Daily thoughts #2

2 Sep

Since having my twins in January it has been a rollercoaster of emotions and feelings.  Probably the weirdest one is I still cannot believe these are MY children, and I am a Mommy.  Becoming a Mom  is similar to looking at, and observing, something from the outside.  You can observe and analyze a Mother and note how well she handles herself, a crying baby, a happy baby and you might think you can never handle a life like that or if you can even see yourself with a life like that.  However, when this became my life, it is something I stepped into not really missing out on the old stuff too much.  My girls, my husband, my dog, and myself have just morphed into a different relationship and family dynamic.  What I did miss, in the beginning was the spontaneity and ability to take all the time in the world to do things.  A run into the store for one item was no big deal, and I enjoyed it.  Now to make a trip for one item gets weighed – do I really need this or can I make do without it? Or better yet, can my husband get it on his way home? The quick five minute trip now turned into an hour trip, remember everyone loves twins so I get stopped often.

 

 I love K and F so much and watching them grow has been satisfying to my soul.  I realized during my hardest moments that they would not last forever and they don’t. Crying uncontrollably in the middle of the night, feeding around the clock (I had no idea it really would be around the clock), the inability to put them down for a moment because they would cry (and subsequently break my heart), listening to one baby cry while I was helping  her sister as well as the one baby I was helping was also crying – I knew in the back of my head that these moments won’t last forever but it’s hard to grasp when you are in the thick of those hard, hard, days.  I am still waiting for Fallon to sleep through the night, and she will eventually;  then I will be the one up at 2 A.M. wondering what is going on!

 

Now that my girls are 7 months, and they are starting to wean from their Mama’s constant attention, it is bringing with it a sense of familiarity of how I used to live my life.  I can actually make breakfast and coffee while they sit and play in the morning and I get to eat it too!  My house, although not spotless, is a lot better than it used to be 5 and 6 months ago.  Some of my favorite moments in the past few months  have been the way I get a strangling hug around the neck and wet face kisses when they are very happy.  I love how I get to hold them in each arm and rock them to sleep and I knew there was no place they would rather be – or any place I would rather be at that moment.  I love how their faces light up when they see their Daddy, and how the only song we both sing to them and the only song I think of when we are apart from the girls is “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.”  It’s so adorable to see their faces look at us and smile so big because the girls know the words!  I don’t want to forget how K gets so impatient at meal time that she whines and smacks the table and high-chair until the spoon is coming right for her mouth.  When she finally starts to get satisfied then she leans back and looks like a queen on a throne till we are all finished.  Fallon is a lot more patient but she still makes “mmmmm – mmmmm” sounds while she is waiting for her turn.


So, even though my house may look immaculate for a few hours each week – I figure it’s better to enjoy these moments because they are fleeting.  I will never get those minutes back where they girls would fall asleep after nursing.  It was wonderful! And fulfilling that they were so easily content but those times, although they were wonderful, were incredibly challenging – I don’t know how I survived, especially doing it alone most days.  It’s reassuring when others send me compliment “I don’t know how you do it” when in the back of my head I couldn’t do it any other way.  I am looking forward to the future, and I am stocking up my tips for new parents, I love to give out my little tidbits in hopes that they will help a new Mom.

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